At work today, I was talking with a mom whose baby is Faith's age and we exchanged war stories. It made me realize that I should definitely share with you! After all, one of my best friends didn't even know I had a C-section.
Let's start this tale off by saying that I was a miserable pregnant woman. I couldn't afford to take off work until Faith was in my arms and teaching 3rd grade 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant was just not going to happen. So at my prenatal appointment, I begged my midwife to be induced the next morning at 6 AM.
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2AM - Woke up three hours before alarm and was too nervous to fall back asleep. I finished packing essentials: All six seasons of The Office on DVD; nursing nightgown + robe; toiletries; all food I could get in there (I had been advised that the nurses are food Nazis and won't let a crazy pregnant woman eat); and homemade alpaca slippers.
My alarm finally goes off around 5 and I try to wake up Daniel.
Me: shaking Daniel vigorously. Daniel, wake up. It's time to go to the hospital.
Daniel: mumbles and turns over.
Me: continual shaking. Daniel, wake up!
This continued for approximately 40 minutes while I'm running around deciding important things like - do I do my make up? No. Hair? No. Contacts or glasses? Glasses. Bra or no bra? Bra.
Finally, in my very pregnant, very moody state I give it one more go to Daniel.
Me: Daniel, WAKE UP!
Daniel: Just go without me.
Me: deer in headlights stare. You want me to go to the hospital to have our baby without you?!?!
Daniel: rolls over in bed. I'll be there soon. I'm just so tired.
Me: hysterically burst into tears. Fine. See you there.
I grabbed my bags and pulled them to the front door trying to be as loud as possible and cry/scream just to see what he'll do. Nothing. I look over at him, knowing I have to leave for the hospital in 5 minutes to get there on time.
Me: explicit cursing that is not family friendly enough for this blog.
Daniel: bolts upright and looks at me wide-awake. What time is it?
Me: crying. Time, sniffle, to go. sniffle.
Daniel: runs out of the bed to the bathroom. Why didn't you wake me up?
Me: I've been trying for an hour! You told me to go to the hospital without you!
Daniel: Were my eyes open?
Me: Are you kidding me?
Daniel: Kirsti, you know I sleep talk. I can't be held responsible for what I say.
Me: YOU TOLD ME TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'D MEET ME LATER.
Daniel: finishes getting ready. I'm sorry, baby. Are you ready to go?
Me: Yes. sniffle.
Daniel: hugs me.
Me: smiles. Let's take one more belly picture!
So we got in the car and happily made our way to the hospital. Once there, I felt really strange to be walking in to be a patient in a hospital for the first time. We'd filled out most of our paperwork previously so all I had to do was sign things like 'I will not take video or pictures of the birth,' or 'It'd be great to get keepsakes from volunteers!'
Afterwards, I got hooked up to my IV that was pretty neat to watch go in. I'm pretty good at needles - being poked all the time as a kid because of my hypothyroidism - but pregnancy also makes you a beast that can handle anything. They hooked up the contraction monitor and baby heartrate monitor. You can guess which was my favorite. Hearing her heartbeat was always the highlight of our appointments. Our midwife even let me hang out in the doctor's office one day because Daniel was in class and would be late but she wanted him to be there when we checked that part. :)
Promptly at 7 AM they gave me the pitocin. Contractions definitely started very quickly.
At 8, Kimberly Negrete, my midwife, came in and broke my water. If you've ever peed yourself, that's what it feels like but it doesn't stop and it doesn't relieve any pressure off your bladder. Watching them catch the fluid was the strange part.
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I'd been 2 CM and 25% effaced for more than 2 weeks and Faith still hadn't dropped into the birth canal. At a previous appointment, Kimberly had mentioned that this could be a red flag.
Me: A red flag for what?
Kimberly: Well, it could mean that the baby's head is too big to enter the birth canal.
Me: So what does that mean?
Kimberly: That the baby may not come out vaginally without causing you or her stress. It could also mean that there is a lot of amniotic fluid and the baby is so small that she's just floating around.
Me: Which do you think is more likely?
Kimberly: It's hard to say.
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Well, as you can imagine, it wasn't because there was too much fluid because Faith still didn't enter the birth canal after she broke my water.
A few hours went by and eventually my mom came in to see us.
By about 1 PM, I was 5 CM and the pain was
terrible. I'd tried the birthing ball but standing was unbearable. I just wanted to lay on my side and cry during each contraction. I was finally able to get my epidural - there was no doubt. Get me the drugs!
This was a fun mess.
The anesthesiologist came in. He was a very broad man and commanded the room without saying much. I felt really good about him and tried really hard to not freak out.
He asked me to sit to the side of my bed and Daniel to hold me still in a hug with just our arms. Made me think about middle school dances where you had to 'make room for the Holy Spirit!'
DR: You're going to feel a very tight pinch but you can't jerk away from it or I'll have to redo it. Just look at your man and put your energy in him if you have to.
Me: Mhm.
DR:
Pokes my spine with something large. So the needle is in your back and now I'm inserting the tube. I'm going to take out the needle but leave the tube in.
Me:
probably causing Daniel to bleed with my fingernails in his arms. Look at my mom. She's crying. I look away. Okay. Mom, you can't cry.
Mom: It's just so hard to see you go through this. I know exactly how you're feeling. It's hard.
DR: Okay, we're going to give you the medicine through the tube and it should make you numb from the point of the poke down through your feet. If you feel like something's wrong let us know right away.
Leaves.
Twenty minutes went by and I was still feeling all of my contractions. Needless to say, I was getting very upset. I was told it'd be immediate relief! We called the nurse and told them it wasn't working. So the DR came back.
DR: Didn't work, huh?
Me: No.
DR: Let's take a look.
Me:
Assumed the position with Daniel tightly attached to my nails again.
DR: I'm going to have to redo the catheter.
Me: That's fine. I can take it.
This time around though, I didn't feel the poke (there must have been something that worked with the first one?) so it didn't really mean anything.
I felt a trickle down my back. I figured it was just saline or some medicine and didn't think much of it. I looked at Daniel and his eyes got really big while he stared behind me.
Me: Daniel, what's going on?
Daniel: Oh you just bled a little. It's not a big deal.
I was content with this answer and didn't worry. Once it was over, the nurse said she wanted to change the pads on my bed. This was when I caught a glimpse of what really trickled down my back. Or rather, poured. The entire pad was covered in blood. I looked at Daniel and somehow didn't freak out. I just wanted this baby out.
After everyone left though, I did go immediately numb.Only on my right side. So we called the nurse. She called the DR.
DR: Alright, this is really rare. You say you are numb on your right side but the catheter is to the left of your spine.
Me: Well, that's how it is.
DR: Okay, instead of me poking you the 3rd time and possibly not getting it right again, I'm going to have my nurse try it.
So the nurse came and got it down and finally I was numb! I was so happy I probably started crying. I kept saying thank you over and over again. When someone gives you relief from that kind of pain, they are your hero forevermore. Especially when someone else "more qualified" messed up twice.
It was around 3 by the end of all this and I just wanted to sleep. With my new found glory, I slept. When I woke up, I had the terrible need for the crackers I'd brought.
Me: Daniel, crackers. Please?
Daniel: I don't think you should eat.
Mom: Kirsti, ask the nurse before you eat.
Me: I know I can't eat but I'm starving! I am burning calories with each contraction! I need energy for pushing!
Daniel: I'm not going to get you crackers unless you ask.
Me: Fine.
So I called the nurse in and asked what I could eat.
Nurse: We can get you a Popsicle but the sugar might make you sick.
Me: Oh, that's fine. I am starving. I'll take whatever you'll give me.
Nurse:
brings me a Popsicle.
Me:
scarfs it down.
Five minutes later.
Me:
coughs it all back up. Well, I'm not hungry anymore, at least.
By 5 PM, Kimberly came back to check on me and told me that Faith had
finally dropped into the birth canal.
Me: That's a good sign, right?
Kimberly: With her down we can start pushing when you're fully dilated. I'd say you're about an 8.
By 8 PM, I was finally ready to push. I was only at a 9 but Kimberly thought that pushing would make me dilate fully before she got too far to rip anything.
Kimberly: I think we should let your epidural wear off so you can feel when to push during your contractions.
Me: That's fine. I've read that's best anyway.
famous last words.
At 8:30 I'm screaming in pain and trying to figure out how you're supposed to push
anything out of your uterus. Push up? Push up to wear?
Kimberly gave me a towel that she had made into a rope and told me that she was going to hold one end and I'd hold the other. The trick was that I was to pull her with my abs like I wanted to get her on top of me.
Kimberly: Don't let go without telling me or I'll go flying though!
This was the first time I'd ever heard her get a little edge in her voice. And I only did it twice - but she caught herself each time!
Poor Daniel had to feed me ice chips. He'd give me a huge spoonful and I'd ask for only two chips. He got yelled at several times. I always apologized immediately after.
Pushing was a nightmare. All I can remember was about 5 people gawking at my attempts and cheering me on with all sorts of advice.
Pull on the towel! Go through the whole contraction! You can push one more time! She has so much hair! I'm playing with your baby girl's hair!
And finally Kimberly gave me the bad news.
Kimberly:
checks my progress. Kirsti, Faith hasn't moved in about the last ten pushes. She was moving steadily at first but this much of a slow down is a concern.
Me: So what does that mean?
Kimberly: Let's push for another 20 minutes and see where that gets us.
So I pushed and screamed for a C-section. I knew in my heart that something was wrong. I could feel every.little.thing. and my baby had not budged. I begged Kimberly to check me and see if I was getting anything done. She did. I wasn't.
Kimberly: I'm going to call the doctor on-call. Dr. Moser is over at the office and can get here in 15 - 20 minutes. When she gets here, we'll see if we should use forceps or prep you for a C-section. Until then, let's keep pushing.
Those 20 minutes went by like 20 hours. I knew I couldn't push my baby out. I was beginning to cry from the pain and registering that my birth plan wasn't working out.
Probably about 15 minutes in, Kimberly told me more bad news.
Kimberly: The baby has passed meconium and her heart rate is dropping steadily. I'm going to get you to the OR so that once Dr. Moser's here we can start right away.
I told Daniel to tell my parents that I was going to have a C-section and that they needed to pray.
Daniel: I want to be with you right now.
Me: Daniel, go, they have to know. Please, I can't tell them.
Nurse: Once you get back, we'll get you scrubs to wear in the OR and you can be there right beside her.
Now, it took about five minutes to get me from point A to point B. The pain was so bad, I had to continue to push just to relieve myself. Trust me, pushing while knowing that it's no use but it's your best option can seriously make you go insane.
Around 10 and in the OR, I was partly delirious and screaming at everyone. To say the least, I did apologize each time I snapped at someone, though. Oh and I got livid when they told me to move myself from my delivery bed to the operating table.
Me: No. You're going to have to lift me or operate on this bed.
Nurse: Just lift your hips and we'll get the bed underneath you.
Me: I can't! I have a head in my pubic bone!
Nurse: You have to get over there. We can't operate unless you do.
Me:
attempt to just roll. I can't!
Even now, thinking as hard as possible, I have no idea how I got myself to the table. All I can remember was screaming the entire time.
Anesthetic DR is back: I'm going to use your epidural catheter to give you the anesthesia to numb you completely.
Me: Sounds great.
Daniel came in looking so cute in his scrubs. He had this terrified look in his eyes that he was hiding from me but I knew that something was worrying him. I ignored it.
DR: I'm going to poke you with something sharp on your shoulder. Can you feel that?
Me: Yes.
DR: Now I'm going to poke you on your stomach. Can you feel it less or the same?
Me: The same.
This went on about 4 or 5 times. The DR was getting pretty upset.
DR: I've given you a lot of anesthesia, are you sure you haven't gotten any more numb on your stomach?
Me: Yes. At least, I think. I don't know anymore.
Eventually, they got it figured out and I was numb enough to operate. Dr. Moser had arrived and standing on my right. Kimberly was on the other side facing her to assist. Anesthesia DR was sitting to the right of my head and Daniel was sitting opposite of him. While Daniel held my hand all I could do was hardly stay conscious.
Me: Is that burning smell you cutting through my fat?
I fell asleep for a little bit. When I woke up, blood splattered across the blue sheet in front of me.
Me:
start coughing. I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up! What happens if I throw up? I can't throw up!
DR: We gave you medicine for the nausea. Do you feel better?
Me: Mhm. Daniel, what're they doing?
Daniel:
keeps looking over the blue sheet. Man, that is so cool! I can see everything. I can see the baby!
Nurse: Time of birth 11:05 PM on March 8, 2012.
Daniel tells me that they used a shovel device to pry Faith out of my bone (apparently I pushed pretty hard) and along came my little baby! Everyone disappeared around me and a halo of pain started wreaking havoc on my head. I was screaming even louder than ever telling them about my pain.
Daniel: Look! It's our baby!
I do not know what, if anything, I said because of the pain and drugs I was on. I can remember looking at her and feeling so strange. There was no register of emotion, which I hate, but I think it's just because of what I was going through. We completely bonded later.
I screamed the whole way through stitching me back up, which Daniel says took no time at all, until I got back to my room and finally I could feel again.
There were nurses all around me and I could hear my mom's sweet voice mixed in there. I wanted my mom so badly. I was so confused about everything and my mom truly always makes me feel better. Eventually, Faith was put on my chest to nurse and I didn't even really hold her. The nurses held us in place with pillows.
My little baby girl was in my arms. Faith Danielle. 8 lbs 9 oz. 20.5" long. Head circumference? 17". No stinking joke. It made me feel better about "Failure to Deliver."
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Thinking back on this experience is crazy. I know this is a long-winded story but I wanted to write it all down before I forgot. I've been told by every nurse that I should have all C-sections because of the complications I had. I've mourned the loss of exclusive breastfeeding, but I refuse to outright say I'll never deliver vaginally.
Would I go through another birth day like that again just to have the same result? That's something I can't decide.
Oh, remember my pounding headache? They were supposed to give me medicine for my nausea. Instead they gave me medicine for low-blood pressure. I already had high blood-pressure. This made my blood-pressure shoot through the roof. At least they apologized later on for it.
4. Heed all Rest Areas. These are your best stops. I would have stopped at each along the way but my dad was driving, and it wasn't imperative. Take a towel or picnic blanket and lay it out while everyone takes shifts watching the baby play. Faith enjoyed the ability to roll around and get out of her seat - which was my biggest concern. It definitely made our trip longer, but stopping for twenty to thirty minutes per waking period wasn't painful and it's healthy for everyone - not just baby!
